With my hearts Best Love, I ask for your hand in marriage once more, Angela Christine Roberts…To have my heart for always and forever more.
It was just the two of us, by ourselves for the night. We spent New Years Eve 2006 with no one else on our first date. I kissed you to the sound of fireworks, pans clanking and gun shots on the steps to your 1921 bungalow. And from that moment forward, at the stroke of midnight, it was a new day in my life. A new year that started like no other, a new life with my future bride and mother to my children. The day, at the stroke of a moment, my life was made whole and forever changed. I was Complete.
I made you a picture of our house where it all began. We’re dancing in the twilight. The front steps were made of heavy red Chicago street pavers. The best bricks ever made. The entrance was grand for a little house with a 48″ wide, 15 paned heavy French front door.
When You purchased your 1921 Arts and Craft bungalow in a historic neighborhood the house had gray vinyl siding and storm windows covering it from the 80’s. It was still cute. It had potential. The house was a pinkish/peach color once the siding was pilled away. It was hidden under some layers though.
I always wanted to restore an old house and you didn’t know a thing about fixing things. You were all girl, who didn’t have the first idea of how to take care of an old house. You needed saving. That house was our first project together. Like a good couple, you told me what your ideas were and I did them for you. We rebuilt that house together and it turned out awesome. 1000 sq ft – all we needed call a home. I loved that house. I loved my time with you there. I loved my life with you there. It was my favorite house. It was a time that I will always cherish with you, just the two of us building our future, our lives and our home together. I will dance in the twilight once again with you one day.
My brother got it in his heart to arrange a meeting between the two of us. You two worked together at the Children’s Hospital in Fort Worth. He never said two words to you except “hey, I want you to meet my brother.” and you said ‘OK”. He did some kind of sneak attack because he didn’t say anything to you again until he walked by you one day, months later, and said “hey, my brother is coming today.“ Surprise! cupid had his sights on you.
I knew nothing of what was happening. I just showed up when I was told to. Then, we met. You were so cute in your scrubs and your little white shoes. You were the baby of the hospital. Every tactic and every game was tried to win you over by your resident coworkers. They didn’t know what they were doing. They were no match for you. I was! My tact was different. I didn’t have one. I didn’t need one. I was just myself. And you were smitten for me. And I thought you were soo cute; 1/2 Mexican, 1/2 Texan, 5 foot zero, 105 lb. Texican, size 5 shoe, size 0 dress and 25 years old. I rated you in my head two thumbs up in cuteness with a smile. You gave me your number when I asked for it and we were both excited to meet each other.
Angela, this is where the story gets good. Stop looking at your nails for a second and pay attention to me.
If given the chance to do it all over again, I would go back to our first date. It was just me and you from the beginning. The day my life changed forever. You were so cute. and exactly what I was looking for. A sweet, beautiful girl who really, really liked me and made me her only priority. I had boundaries and was waiting for the right girl to come along. I didn’t give in until I found you. I knew when you told me, “I have never drank or smoked anything in my entire life” and “i’ve never been on birth control”, that you were the one for me. And, you didn’t swear. You were just a sweet, sincere girl. We were at peace with one another and enjoyed our first day together, our first date together on New Years Eve 2006.
5 years broken hearted, watching how guys treated girls and how easily girls fell prey. Living in L.A. I saw it all and I knew I was different from all the other guys. I wasn’t going to find a good girl in La La Land. I was the nice one; grounded and stable always knowing who I am, consistent and considerate, honest and real – a.k.a. not fake, and treated girls with the respect and loyalty they deserved. So, I waited for you. There was a void in my heart and I was truly alone. I ate by myself everyday year after year but I didn’t give in until I found you. There were many sleepless and restless nights…Waiting. I didn’t change, I didn’t cave and I didn’t falter to find you. I waited to find the girl I could grow old with and love with all of my heart. I knew that you were out there. My patients paid off. My heart was completed.
I lost more than my partner and friend when you died. A piece of me died too. There is a part of my heart that I can not get back. I don’t want it back. I gave it to you because I wanted you to have it and you took it. It was the best of me. It’s in a better place now, with you, In the far distant Heavens.
And, you gave me a piece of your heart too, to replace what I gave you from mine. That made us one. Your heart will always be in mine no matter what happens or where I go in this lifetime. You are forever a part of me. My heart became new again with yours for all time. Where my heart goes, your heart goes. Where your heart goes, so does mine.
I made you a postcard…That’s me with the heart balloons…waiting for you at the wedding pool...
We made Pepper, the sweetened butter stick (100% marshmallow), your flower cat for our second wedding. I give him 100 + + kisses a day. His kissing intake has really increased this past year. I seem to give him more kisses everyday. He really likes me and accepts his kisses like a good cat should. I love his little fur face. He sleeps on my lap in the car when we take trips. We have really bonded in our drives together wherever we go. I took him solo with me the other day to get coffee. I’m his protector and he knows he’s 100% dependent on me for his safety in the outside world and he sticks close to me. He sleeps on me on my chair in the living room. He sleeps with me when I am in bed. I hold him in my arms a lot as he rests himself. I feed him every meal and always make sure that he’s comfortable. But, Elliott want’s me to tell you that “Pepper is his cat.” He said “I am just Pepper’s grandfather and he chose and named Pepper when he was 5”. I just take care of him and make sure that he is the best cat that’s ever existed. What more could a 12 year old ask for in a cat? He’s like a teddy bear. I gave Pepper to Elliott for you. He really loves his cat and Pepper will go wherever Elliott goes for the rest of his life.
‘An arranged marriage from God’, we said it was. I waited for my bride and you are truly a gift from God. And God blessed us with a happy life, a roof over our heads with food on our table and two beautiful children to raise and watch grow together.
You are my Princess. My Princess of Yahweh. A true gift from God. A beautiful girl inside and out. My beautiful bride. I would marry you all over again and again and again.
I vow to stand up straight for you and make you proud of me as your Prince, the Prince of Yahweh. I promised to you that I would be the best father, the best dad, the best role model I could be to our children, to raise them as we would have raised them together. You will always be my wedded wife to love and to cherish, according to God’s holy ordinance; I pledge myself to you. I love you with all of my heart and pledge you my love with a kiss blown from my lips to yours…
You will be with us no matter where we go, no matter when it is, for better or for worse, always in my heart. I will never give up on our family in good times nor in bad. Your heart wont let me, happy or sad, thoughts of you fill my head. I will always do good while maintaining self control and respect no matter what comes our way, for you, for God, for our family. Our children are my life and they are your life too.
I thought I loved you the most on our first date when the clock stuck midnight on your front porch steps and our lips touched and sparks flew...
…I thought I loved you the most when I asked you to marry me on your front porch steps at midnight, two years later on New Years Eve. You said “Yes!” and I kissed you once more…
…I thought I loved you the most when I took your hand in marriage. I kissed you again that night on our front porch steps, my new bride in her wedding gown…
…I thought I loved you the most when you laid your eyes, for the very first time, on our first born son. You loved him so much you were shaking…
…But one day is above all of them…
…You had been on Hospice for 8 months with your cancer slowly progressing through the stages of your body breaking down. You wanted to live to see the kids birthdays. That was your goal. Elliott’s was first and Daisy’s was 3 weeks later. You made it through Elliott’s 11th birthday felling good. But by Daisy’s birthday, when you saw her turn 10, you went into physical exhaustion…
…Over the course of you being on hospice, and me being your primary care giver, I learned how to wash your hair in bed. I got really good at it and you enjoyed the pampering. It was the least I could do for you. I was your shampoo boy. Anyway, a few days after Daisy’s Birthday I sat you up with as many pillows as I could to prop you up while I washed your hair. Your strength was almost completely gone but you wanted me to wash your hair. I had to hold your head up while I rubbed and massaged your hair with the shampoo. You closed your eyes and cried. I went as slow as I could and rubbed your head good and lathered your hair as long as I could until the soap faded. I sponged your head clean with warm water and then you collapsed into me and we both sobbed on each other and held each other for the last time, for a long time. I knew at that moment that I had reached the pinnacle of true love. Loving and broken at the same time…You died a week later.
I choose you, and will always choose you to be my wife, to always carry with me, to always look toward for my council and understanding. I chose you from the day we met and you chose me. From that moment on there was nothing else except me and you and then plus 2.
I cry because I miss talking to you. I talk to myself out loud now and I know the kids hear me and what I say. It’s a one way conversation. But, maybe I need to here my voice too so I don’t forget who I am. I cry because I miss holding your hand. I cry because my friend is gone. I cry in acceptance of myself without you, for the future me, my character bound with yours. I have not done well without your touch, your voice, your presence. Me together is so much better than me alone.
You said we were supposed to grow old together, To watch our children grow up together, to see them get married and have our grandchildren and live happily ever after. But, we both knew that wasn’t the case. My time spent with you forever changed me. I am who I am because of you.
I go to bed every night knowing that you are no longer with me and I wake up every morning reminded that you are not there anymore, that you are no longer a part of my life. It’s a shocking reminder every new day that you are gone. And that will be the way it is until the day I die.
I walk alone on the beach everyday when it’s not raining and think about you as I look for treasures that have washed ashore. I would still give you gifts and make you things from what I found on the beach.
I saw more seals than I have seen together at once, today. Everywhere I looked there was one, bobbing it’s heads in the waves. Some where less than 20 feet away from me. They were watching me as I watched them. It was misting rain and the water had moderately calm waves. The wind was from the east so the ocean had a brief moment of stillness, placid on the horizon. The Pelicans have migrated south for the winter ’cause I don’t see anymore of them. One seal arched his back and held his head up high and surfed a wave as it pushed in just like I used to do when I lived in Hawaii when I was young. He might have been smiling too. I watched them for a while and I thought about you.
You asked me not to remarry but I couldn’t and I wouldn’t love another again. My heart has already been taken by you, and it’s where it belongs, up there where you are happy and free. I tried to help you the best I could to send you on your way. And, you helped me more than you will ever know. I send you my love and we will reminisce in Heaven one day, when I see you again.
We will have a lot to talk about...
Until that day…’I love you, I love you, I love you’
Your Faithful Husband,
Matthew Francis Mowry.
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